Tough Then, Real Strength Now

After a fifteen year layoff from playing hockey I got the itch to lace’em up and decided to play again.  And coming to the realization that I wasn’t as good as I use to be was quite humbling I must say. Nonetheless I wanted to play regardless of how good or bad I was.  I also  noticed being in the dressing room before my first game, there was a part I missed that I didn’t realize.  It was the part of sitting around a room full of men, and hearing their the stories about what they are challenged by, and their victories and defeats.  There is an unwritten rule almost a sacredness that whatever’s spoken in a dressing room stay’s in the room.  And it brought back so many memories for me going all the way back to my early years of playing minor hockey.  I really got to see how necessary it is for men to sit in circle with each other

It seemed so long ago since I put this armor on my body, as I sat I could remember playing 3-4 times a week and putting equipment on that was still wet with sweat from the game that I played last.  I had such great memories of friends I made or Coaches who encouraged and inspired me to be the best that I could be.

At last I was on the ice playing in a game situation and having a blast, I wasn’t quite the skilled player I used to be nor did I have the speed or the hands that I once did, but I was having a great time. Smelling the inside of an arena and the sound of the puck being passed from one stick to another and the blast of a slap shot that rung around the boards.

It was all fun until a guy slashed me with his stick in the back that cut me and drew blood. My mood went from total euphoria to red anger, in my younger days I would have retaliated and probably threw a punch.  But here I am almost 40 years old married with 3 children and my 9 year old son watching in the stands.  It was different now, I was different now and I could feel it.  Did I become a wuss?

What happened to me?  I grew up is what happened to me…..I evolved.  I became a Man, and reacting to every little thing that happened to me wasn’t an option anymore.  I am a Father now and need to model for my kids how a Man behaves no matter what, with no excuses.

It felt a huge amount of freedom in coming to the realization that I had nothing to prove anymore to anyone.

I accepted myself and wouldn’t compromise my integrity as a man no matter what happened.

In my younger day’s I didn’t realize that I could choose my behaviour – I do now.

Not only did I finish the game that night without a fight, I finished the game with strength because it took strength for me to do the right thing. When I was younger I was tough but now as a man I am strong.

Chris