Infidelity – The Financial Kind

Infidelity is a hot button in relationship.

We have higher rates of infidelity in relationship than ever before and it wreaks havoc on trust levels between couples. Infidelity especially concerning today because we have greater permission to be sexual and to gain access both to information as well as sexual content via the Internet. Like so many issues that challenge couples, infidelity has the potential to bring couples together as it illuminates a weak spot in the relationship. Trouble is, it is hardly ever seen as an opportunity for growth.

By far the most common form of infidelity isn’t sexual, it’s financial. Yes, financial infidelity happens on such a regular basis that we have almost become numb to the experience. In a relationship, the wound of financial infidelity cuts really deep. It breeds distrust because it happens so often that it its best defense in relationship is to withdraw and hide financial information from each other. It eats at the core issue of security that is a basic human need. Some people will spend ‘because they can’ and don’t see the issue because they have the money, yet it is still experienced as a violation by the partner.

How many times do you go ahead and make a purchase without consulting with your spouse and it pisses them off? I know of a man who bought a car for his wife, who never wanted a car, and she was pissed off about it. The debt had to be carried by the family and the impact was felt for years. In essence, this type of action has the same essential wound as sexual infidelity. At its core it is about the lack of choice for the partner that is excluded from the decision.

My partner and I have learned the hard way. One of our rules of engagement today is that neither is us spend more than $200 without consulting with each other. We had to work through fears of control and surrender to a bigger vision of the quality of relationship that we really wanted.

Whether it’s that big ass television, a motorbike, or an expensive dinner out with the boys, it would do you good to get clean about the impact on your relationship and set up new rules of engagement.

Owen